When will I find love? Most common myths about love
Last Update : August 9, 2019 by Thaïs
Love comes when less expected. This is what most people believe. However, finding your perfect partner isn’t as easy as some dating and relationship experts suggest. You probably have been very active in the dating pool, but have also been ditching plenty of candidates because chemistry was missing. How many times have your asked yourself and the universe: “When will I find love?” Some people think that it is a myth. Others consider that it’s overrated. What’s for sure is that it plays a key role in relationships and the way people put things into perspective when searching for a potential partner. We put love under the microscope. We analyse the most common truths and myths about love.
What is love? Deconstructing the traditional definition of love
It’s a blessing when love rings to your doorbell.
The butterflies in the stomach, the idea of caring for another person who isn’t you, the feeling of completion as if you were found the last piece of a complicated puzzle…
Culturally, it can currently be defined as an intense universal feeling that we all must pursue if we want to achieve complete happiness. Something that is mandatory for our existence. Like a real-life necessity.
Truth is that love, well, the definition of love has been edulcorated through the years.
Especially in the way it has been and currently is being portrayed in movies, TV, literature and media. It’s all about romantic love: the concept of romance and sexual attraction.
Something that was abstract and unattainable, more like an expression of loyalty and chivalry in the medieval ages (the idea of “courtly love”) has switched to a feeling that mixes emotions, friendship, shared interests, physical contact and sexual desire.
Nowadays, in some cultures, love is directly related to marriage arrangements, while in others represents a state of mind or a sense of longing.
It is a cultural phenomenon that has been changing all over the years.
The definition of love has varied depending on social, political, religious and cultural convictions from specific eras in history.
Therefore, the response when you ask yourself: “When will I find love?” depends on several factors. It’s all about how you define it and embrace it.
The questions you should be asking yourself should be: “What is love?” and “Is is possible to find love considering my own definition of it?”.
Does true love exist? The most common myths about love
Looking at history, it’s clear that love has played a key role in people’s happiness and in how relationships have been constructed through the years.
Taking into consideration the social construction of love and the physical reactions when you become infatuated (it’s all about chemistry!), then we can say that love exist.
If we go deeper and analyse it from a psychological perspective, we could argue that love, at least the definition of romantic love, is something that is created in people’s minds.
What follows is a series of prevailing myths about love that have been shaped the current definition of what love is.
Love myth: Finding your perfect partner is all about destiny
Since ancient times, where Cupid and Eros were changing the destiny of many lovers, it has commonly believed that fate has been crucial to how romantic relationships are created.
It’s true that you can find your significant other anywhere and anytime, but you’d need more than the magic of stars aligning to find that special someone.
As Hayley Williams from Paramore would sing: “You wanna make a difference. Get out and go to get it.”
Love myths: Red thread of fate
There is a Chinese legend that suggests that there is an invisible red cord attached by gods around the fingers of people who are destined to meet one another and fall in love.
It’s basically the idea that there is just one potential life-partner for everyone. Your true love.
People are constantly evolving. Your desires and expectations aren’t the same when you are 20, 30, 40 or 50. Neither your vision about romantic relationships.
Therefore, you can have different soulmates in your lifetime. It all depends on your interests and your willingness to become infatuated with someone else.
Love myths: Opposites attract
Differences can bring people together. A relationship is formed by two individuals who complement each other.
Many singles look for a potential partner who can bring all what is missing in his/her life. It’s like when opposite poles of a magnet connect.
If you are an adventurer and you initiate a relationship with someone who is a home-loving type, you can easily find the perfect balance: go for thrilling experiences once in a while and enjoying some relaxing time together at home.
The equation doesn’t work all the time. In fact, affinity is core in a long-lasting relationship.
Proof is the online dating market. Nowadays, you can find plenty of dating sites that connect singles considering their compatibility.
Enough reason to not just stick to the idea of the “opposites attract”.
Love myths: It’s in your heart, not your brain
Love is an addiction, like a hard drug that many people need to achieve happiness. An extreme feeling that has an effect on people’s emotions, performance and even appearance.
Contrary to popular belief, falling for someone not only involves your heart, but also your brain.
The perception of love, as we have previously seen, varies on your own definition of it, your personal experience and other external factors.
You can be attracted to the person you are dating for a while and feel affection, respect and admiration for him/her, your heart rate can increase when you are next to each other, and there can even be chemistry, and all the aspects that define traditional romances.
However, if your brain tells you that your date isn’t the right one, the tower of love can easily fall.
It can happen just the opposite. When love is a delusion, your brain convinces you that you really are into that person, but your heart says no.
In such case, you end up in a relationship based on admiration and false pretences.
In the end, it’s a combination of what you feel and think: your heart and brain working together!
Love myth: You can fall in love at first sight
You cross paths with a very attractive man/woman, you accidentally stumble upon each other, then eyes interlock and there is an instant connection. Boom! You have found your soulmate!
We have seen this story in rom-coms countless times.
People believe in love at first sight. In fact, according to a Gallup study, 70% of men and 36% of women confessed that they have become infatuated with their dates within minutes after meeting up for the first time.
Falling in love at first sight is possible? Sure! But it’s not the norm. It depends on the circumstances.
Some people feel butterflies in the stomach during the first seconds of a first date, while others need more encounters to see if that person is the right one.
Love myth: Passion lasts forever
Passion isn’t everlasting. You can fall head over heels with someone, but after spending a lot of years together, after all the highs and lows, that initial fire slowly extinguishes.
What lasts is respect, affection, and wonderful memories. This is the best way to define a life-time relationship.
Love myths: It’s impossible to find love online
Years ago, couples met at the office, thanks to common friends or while engaging in an activity they both liked like exercising at the gym or in a dance class.
The dating scene has changed over the years and nowadays, more and more singles find love online.
Dating sites give singles the opportunity to meet hundreds of matches in just a few minutes.
As it happens in real (offline) life, in online dating, you’d need to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your prince or princess.
In spite of this, you can actually find your significant other online.
All you need to do is to choose the right dating site and adopt a positive attitude.
Love myths: Nothing compares to the pain after breaking-up
“Life makes no sense without him/her!” How many times have you heard someone complaining about his/her love life after a breakup?
There is a popular theory that suggests that the time you spend recovering after splitting up with someone is proportional to the time you spend together.
In real life, each person needs to find its own pace for recovery. There is a moment for healing, forgiveness and acceptance.
Some people move on in just a few weeks and others need a life-time to forget that special person.
The emotional grief and the pain of breaking up isn’t the same for everyone.
In fact, men and women recover from a separation in a different way.
Women on average spend more time putting back the pieces together, but they become stronger.
For men it’s easier to fall under the temptation as they got over an ex faster than women.